The Sickness in My Heart
On the day the Goblin had gone back to nothing, on the day all the memories washed away in the rain, Sunny was throwing away the shop’s rubbish outside the back door. The boy who Eun Tak played with sometimes was sitting in the rain, shivering. Sunny had brought the boy back into the shop and had wrapped him up tightly with a blanket.
For some reason, there was a weird feeling that made her want to tell this boy everything that had happened to her. Maybe it was because she felt sorry for the boy, who was waiting in the rain for his grandmother, or maybe she had just wanted to entertain him, she didn’t know.
He had made her remember her past life, and then had tried to erase it. There wasn’t a thing that she liked about him, not a thing; who was he to erase her memories or not? The boy replied quietly that forgetting was the gods' consideration, and that made Sunny confused, but she quickly replied that her memories were hers, and she didn’t need consideration from anyone. There was a light fluttering of wings, and a white butterfly flew around the room, vanishing as soon as it had appeared.
Sunny’s memories had stayed.
She could not forget the grim reaper, and the moment their eyes met again, she knew that he remembered everything too. Everything seemed more like a punishment than a consideration.
Please in their next life, she begged for a short waiting and long love. She begged for a love where no excuse was required, and she begged for a love where their desperate names could be reason. A love where they could run and greet each other happily when they met coincidently. A love where everything was right. She begged for a life where all that was possible.
With an uneven breath, Sunny fell to the ground in tears. She was sorrowful.
*
She didn’t even know where Sunny’s old shop was, nor had she ever been overseas, but a letter had come from Canada to her. A letter she had sent herself. In her handwriting. Everything was weird when it came to the time in her erased memory. In the empty radio booth, after everyone had headed home, Eun Tak opened up the letter carefully.
Dear my beautiful mum, who would only be worrying about me.
How is heaven? Would it be something like this place? I am writing a letter to you from Canada.
This heaven-like place is only a door away if I’m with him, mum.
I have someone who asks me how I’m doing now.
I know you were always worried about how I could see things that I shouldn’t have, but you don’t need to anymore.
Thanks to that I’ve become special to someone.
I miss you. Let’s meet again soon. I love you, mom.
From your daughter Eun Tak.
On top of the last lines of the letter, a tear dropped. She didn’t have a passport and words that she didn’t understand were written on the page. The Eun Tak who had written this letter was happy. So happy that she had wanted to show off to her mother. Who was ‘him’? Without thinking, she opened up the memo from her notebook. Was him, this Shin Kim? What had happened 9 years ago?
Eun Tak’s phone suddenly rang. It was an unknown number.
“Hello?”
“Hello, it’s Shin Jae Yoo.”
She had been waiting for his call. Here was another man who appeared out of thin air and had helped her.
“Oh, right.”
At a time she had not been expecting it, a soft voice made her heart flutter over the phone. Flustered, Eun Tak quickly stood up trying to cool down. The candle that stood dangerously near her seemed like it could burn her into ashes so she quickly put it off.
The Goblin looked around the corridor until he saw Eun Tak’s face through the window. She was trying to figure out why the man wasn’t replying to her hellos. The Goblin smiled.
“Have you been waiting for my call?”
“I’ve been a bit busy actually. I forgot that I had given you my phone number.”
Unlike the cold answer, Eun Tak was fanning herself busily trying to get her face to stop burning. Because he could see her emotions so clearly, the Goblin couldn’t help but bit his lip, as he tried to not laugh.
“I know it’s a bit late but I am very grateful for what you did before.”
“Then do you want to go for a walk? Where did you say you lived before?”
“Where I live? I don’t think I ever mentioned that before.”
The Goblin quickly hid under the window as Eun Tak’s head turned to face him.
Eun Tak told him where she was at, and the Goblin replied quickly saying that he would be passing by there in around 30 minutes. She smiled.
“Are you asking me on a date?”
“Yes, I’ve made up my mind. I’m going to go on a date with you.”
She had been sad because of the disappeared memories and the fact that she was someone’s bride, but suddenly she was happy. There hadn’t been anything that made her excited like this before, but he made her excited. As if she was 19 again. After spraying herself slightly with the perfume she had been using for almost 9 years, Eun Tak walked out of the radio booth.
They walked slowly together. A bit closer, together. The Goblin liked every step they took together that he didn’t mind anymore about the 9 years he had spent walking by himself. He could smell a familiar scent coming from Eun Tak. The Goblin couldn’t help but smile whenever he found traces of the past from Eun Tak, who had no memory. It was a memory he cherished alone.
“I like that perfume too.”
“This is a scent that girls like. Do you know a lot about girl perfumes?”
“Do you not like that I know a lot about girl perfumes?”
“I don’t think my preferences are that important.”
“You’re the only woman who knows my phone number.”
Eun Tak rolled her eyes as if to say that she didn’t believe him, so the Goblin started to explain. He didn’t have a use for a phone, and he had been in a place where the reception did not work for quite a long time.
The man spoke in a weird way, as if he was very old. The phone alarm rang and she fished into her bag for her water and pills. If she didn’t set the alarm like this she would never remember to take her medication in time, and the only person that harmed was herself. It was only because of the medication that she could live like other people.
The Goblin’s eyes were full of worry. He had no idea how Eun Tak had been in the previous 9 years. He was proud that she had fulfilled her dreams of being a radio director, and she was as lovely as ever, and so he had guessed that she had been happy. But maybe she hadn’t.
“What medication is that?”
“Medication that cures the sickness in my heart.”
“Since when? Can I ask you why?”
“I don’t really know either. How it all started. You can run away if you want, and that’s why I’m being truthful. I’m quite strange.”
“Then I’ll try to be stranger.”
Eun Tak laughed gratefully.
He was still worried about the hint of sadness in her laugh. Eun Tak should have been happy. He had left so she could be happy.
“I’m going on a holiday. I’m just telling you this incase you had plans to pass by here often.”
“Where are you going?”
“Overseas. I’m actually quite nervous because it’s my first time overseas.”
She was planning on going to the place where she had sent the letter. Maybe she would be able to remember her lost memories. That was what she hoped.
“You’re not going to be nervous even if it's your first time. It’s going to feel very natural. As if travelling was something you did often.”
“But you don’t know me well.”
“Trust me.”
The confidence in his voice made her want to believe in him.
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