Goblin: The Lonely and the Great God - Chapter 18

Your Permission

    It was morning, but it was still raining. The grim reaper was looking outside the window when the Goblin’s door opened and he came downstairs.

    He had just noticed that Eun Tak had not come home. His footsteps were fast; she wasn’t answering his call and all her stuff was missing from his room.

“Eun Tak’s gone. She didn’t come home. I think she ran away.”

The Goblin quickly picked up his coat and left the house. Filled with guilt, the grim reaper just opened and closed his mouth like a goldfish. 

Like before, the Goblin came in and back out through the door; he was visiting everywhere she might be. Not the beach, not the library, not the school, and not even the streets she frequently went by. He had no idea why she had suddenly run away, or why he was feeling this nervous. The words of Samsin were still going round his head. 

He found the ghosts and asked about Eun Tak, but none of them knew where she was either. His last hope was the chicken shop she worked at. The Goblin went back to the grim reaper to know where the chicken shop was. The shop Eun Tak worked at was the place the grim reaper went to buy chicken every day. 

When the grim reaper heard the bell ringing he grimaced; he had wanted to tell the Goblin earlier, but he hadn’t given him a chance. Even now, the Goblin wouldn’t give him a chance. The Goblin asked where the chicken shop was but before he could leave, the grim reaper caught him.

“... I’m the culprit. I told the missing soul everything.”

Not understanding what the grim reaper meant, the Goblin raised an eyebrow.

“The sword-pulling thing. I told her that you would die if she pulled it out.”

The Goblin sighed.

“Are you crazy? How could you tell her that? You’re the one who told me that I should never tell her.”

“I know. But then and now, I’m always on the missing soul’s side.”

“What do you mean, on her side?”

“I don’t want you to die. But don’t misunderstand me. It’s just that, when you go back to nothing, I might get a bit bored… You can be angry.”

The Goblin was supposed to be angry, but it was hard; he just stared at the grim reaper. A friendship had formed between him and the man wearing the disgusting hat. 

“How could I be angry! You always wanted me to die but now you don’t! You’re so annoying!”

He was supposed to be angry, but he wasn’t angry. Now, he was just angry that he wasn’t angry. The Goblin left the tea shop in fury. 

On the door there was a hiring sign. Emptiness filled the Goblin; she had quit her part-time job too. It was like she had always been ready to run off any day; there was no trace of her anywhere. Before she called him, the Goblin wouldn't be able to find her. 

A pretty woman was walking past him. Her near future came into his vision; the grim reaper was in her future. This woman must have been the woman the grim reaper was so stressed about. The Goblin froze. In this vision he was seeing, the woman was breaking up with the grim reaper. 

Sunny felt the man’s stare and turned around.

“Brother?”

How long had it been since someone had called him that? The Goblin looked at the woman and froze.

“Why are you looking at my shop like that? Are you looking for a job?”

“No. I’m looking for your part-timer…”

Sunny’s face hardened as she looked at the Goblin up and down.

“Your clothes, watch, shoes, and everything from your head to toe seem around 250,000 dollars, but why do you want to know where my part-timer, who gets 6.03 dollars an hour, is? Are you the person who made that child cry? The person who always makes her nervous and did civil work before?”

“Did she… cry?”

“I’m right, aren’t I? I can see how things went. Are you married? Is that why you sent that girl away like that?”

“I do have a bride, but I haven’t gotten married yet, so no. Let’s meet again at a better time. It seems that it is not only me who has a complicated destiny.”

The Goblin quickly walked away; he was concerned that the girl had cried. 

She didn’t need to pull out his sword today. She didn’t need to make him pretty. He could stay ugly, he could stay like this, for about a hundred more years; if she was with him. So the Goblin needed to find her. He needed to find her and tell her that he would only die when she died and that he would only live when she was alive. 

“Have you sent Eun Tak’s documents up yet? If you haven’t, send it up now.” 

“What documents?”

“We need her on your list. That way I’ll be able to know when she dies.”

“Do you want her to die?”

“We need to know when and how she’ll die so either of us can go to save her.”

“What do you mean? Why would the missing soul die? I have no intention of killing her.”

“Some bigger ones have intentions to kill her.”

The Goblin sighed.

“What are we? A Goblin and a grim reaper are working together, but we can’t save a single girl.”

The grim reaper saw the Goblin’s face and decided to stop asking. 

“I’ll go send the documents up now. But what happens if something happens to her before it gets processed?”

“Just send it up now. When life and death pass before her eyes, I’ll be able to feel it… If at that moment she calls me desperately.”

He was already desperate, but he couldn’t find her. The Goblin’s voice was filled with sadness; he couldn’t hear the bright voice of the girl anymore. He wanted to see her smile. Desperately. 

*

For days, it rained and the city buildings were covered in thick fog. One night, over the thick fog, a red, blood moon shone down onto the land. Everything seemed sinister and scary. 

A person dead from excessive bleeding suddenly opened their eyes again. The person’s name got erased from the grim reaper’s list. The Goblin was a bit sorry, but this was his way of rebelling to the gods. Lightning thundered in the sky.

The grim reaper came stomping into the Goblin’s room.

“Do you think you’re forgiven if you just apologise? Why is it that you make all the trouble when the poor, innocent grim reaper has to work overtime? You dare burn up a death card? Has the 939 years made you senile? I’m sorry about you and your bride’s sad fate, but you can’t make the world in havoc because of that, you stupid Goblin!”

“I just wanted someone to see it. It would be nice if the gods see it; it would be better if Eun Tak sees it…”

He wanted either of them to see it and understand how he felt right now. And so that either of them would answer him. The grim reaper had been angry a moment ago, but the Goblin’s crumbling face was full of sadness, he just felt sorry again. 

“I shouldn’t have told her! I should have just left the missing soul to pull out your sword!”

The grim reaper stomped angrily out of the room. 

The Goblin muttered to himself, “Maybe, that would have been better…”

He should have returned to nothing before Eun Tak got more pained. 

Turning around, he looked at the red moon outside the window. The gods weren’t listening. His days became a will again.  He didn’t want Eun Tak to die, so he wished for his death again.

“If I make that decision. You must have an understandable excuse ready for me…”

Duk Hwa entered the humid room. The blood moon and the fog; his uncle had made the whole country a mess, but his house was quiet. It was too quiet. Duk Hwa noisily shouted to his uncle.

“This is all Uncle’s doing isn’t it? Why did you make finding a 19-year-old into a historical event? Stop doing this Uncle! I’m really scared that NASA might come and arrest you!”

Even after his fake-nephew's requests, the Goblin pretended not to hear him. 

“If I find you that girl what are you going to give me? My credit card?”

“How could you find her when I couldn’t?”

“She probably hasn’t gone far; that girl doesn’t have money. Wherever she went, she must be in Korea, and whatever she rode, it must be an Express bus. I have my ways.”

The Goblin stared weirdly at his confidence, but maybe there was no other way. Duk Hwa smiled at the suspicious glance, as if he could find the girl easily.

*

A butterfly flew over a snowy field. After fluttering gracefully over the white ground, it landed on the entrance to a building. 

‘I found the girl. She’s working at a ski resort.”

Eun Tak was working at a brightly lit snow resort. The resort was made from cutting a hill, so it was quite deep in the suburbs. The role she had was the ski rental. She gave people their gear and welcomed the guests that had come to their resort. Customers kept coming and the gear was heavy, but the wage was quite good, and it was so busy that she had no time to be sad or angry. 

The weather news came out in the break room. Eun Tak was sure that it was the Goblin who was behind all that. The Goblin was angry and sad; everytime the news came on, Eun Tak became depressed. 

The path back to the lodge was all covered in snow. Her mother’s red scarf was still around her neck; it was her mother’s present and the Goblin had put it on for her previously. Eun Tak’s small feet printed onto the ground. With every step she took, another memory flashed through her mind. The Goblin had made it snow at the buckwheat field. Rain and snow, Eun Tak couldn’t avoid the man how much she wanted.

“Why is there so much snow everywhere? It’s so annoying…”

The wind blew harshly; a shadow was walking towards the girl. Eun Tak knew that she would meet the Goblin again someday, but she didn’t know it would be this quick. 

With slow, but fast footsteps, the man walked towards her. He stopped at a distance and they looked at each other like that.

“Let’s go home. You shouldn’t be alone like this.”

The Goblin’s voice was affectionate, but Eun Tak hardened her face.

“I don’t have a home. The place I thought was home turned out not to be. Turns out I was just kept closely. Someone kept me for insurance money, and another kept me because they wanted to die.”

He wanted to deny it but everything she said was right. 

“I know everything now. Apparently I’m the tool to end the Goblin’s immortality.”

His heart ached as the cold wind blew past her red cheeks. The light in her eyes had disappeared, and it was him who had blown it off. 

It was the gods fault, but he was this girl’s guardian angel; it was all his fault. 

“I lost the chance to tell you, I was glad that I had lost the chance, and I was going to lose every chance until you die. I shouldn’t have under-estimated the weight of the blood of all the people I had killed, so do your role as a tool. Pull out this sword. Please.”

He had to make it so that everything was his fault. This child’s beautiful 20’s; this child’s joyful 30’s; every life of this child; they were all in his hands. 

“No. No! I don’t want to! Even if I die, I won’t pull out your sword. So don’t look for me anymore; let’s just live as strangers. Go far, far away and live a long, long life without me. Do you get what I mean? Don’t appear in front of me again; the next time we meet I’m actually going to kill you.”

The Goblin knew Eun Tak’s truth behind the cold words, so he wanted her to kill him more. He wanted her to live. He wanted her to be happy. But he also wanted to be with her,  and so he just watched the girl walk slowly away from him. 

She had clearly told him to never appear in front of her again, but he did. The Goblin walked behind her everywhere as if the only thing he couldn’t do was be ‘in front’ of her. Eun Tak pretended to not notice him, but truthfully she was listening to his every footstep. She walked down the snowy field. 

Not being able to hear the man’s footsteps anymore, Eun Tak turned around. The snowy path behind her was empty; her heart felt empty too. When she turned back around, the Goblin was standing in front of her. Stupid tears were forming in her eyes; the man who had fooled her was so hateful. 

The Goblin walked towards her and grabbed out a piece of paper from his pocket. It was Eun Tak’s report card.

“I came to give you this. You did well on your test.”

“Do you call that an excuse?”

“I was glad I had such an excuse; An excuse to come see you like this.”

The two looked at each other painfully. There was no stepping back anymore; the space between them was painful and sorrowful. 

“So what if you came to see me? So what if you have an excuse? Do you want to live together or die together? Didn’t I say that I’d kill you if you appear in front of me again? Come over here!”

The Goblin stepped towards her without hesitation. He was unbelievable. Eun Tak stared at the man with hateful eyes; did he really want to die after all? 

He grabbed Eun Tak’s hand and pulled it towards his chest. Noticing what he was doing, Eun Tak tried to wrench her wrist out of his hands, but the man just held it even tighter. 

“Stop it!”

“Do it. It’s what you have to do.”

“Let go! Let go of me!”

Tears slid down her face; he had made her cry again. The strength in his hands loosened, and she broke free from his grab. 

“That was when it all started. From the hotel. You planned this all out didn’t you? All because you wanted to die.”

He had told her that he would love her if it was needed, but had he even liked her? Was he so desperate for death, that he never even gave a thought for her, who would be left behind? 

“So, did you love me? Or did you not do even that much?”

A shadow appeared over the Goblin’s face.

“... I’m afraid.”

His truth came out of his mouth; melting Eun Tak’s sadness a little.

“I want you to tell me you need me. I want you to tell me that you need me to do even that. I want your permission to have such an excuse. And with that excuse, I want to keep living. With you.”

I want to live, Eun Tak. With you. He had lived for nearly a thousand years, but still wanted to live on; and so he wanted to grab on to the 19-year-old girl and beg her for life. A tear glistened on his cheek. 

Eun Tak looked at the Goblin, heartbroken. He was crying; he was afraid. 

‘When you pull out that sword, that man will vanish into dust and wind. Somewhere in this world, or somewhere in a completely different world.’

Tears met tears and sadness became wider than the ocean. 

*

The Goblin sat heavily on the couch. He had not managed to bring Eun Tak back. The grim reaper handed a death card over to the Goblin.

“Her name got written down as soon as I sent up the documents. Eun Tak is written on my list.”

[Eun Tak Ji. Age 19. The year 2016. December 12th. 20:11. Hyperthermia.]

The grim reaper could see the words clearly on the card, but the Goblin couldn’t see a single word.

“Are you sure that’s Eun Tak? That’s a blank piece of paper.”

“There are words. But what kind of situation is this? It’s as if someone is trying to kill her? But it’s not me, and it wouldn’t be you either.”

“I think it is me. I have to die in order for her to live. If I live, she dies. That’s our destiny.”

The Goblin sighed.

“This was my punishment. This was what the gods had planned.”

“Why do you sound so hopeless? Even if it is the gods' plan, it’s not mine; and it’s probably not yours either.”

If the death card was right, Eun Tak’s death was coming soon. There was an hour left; he needed to find Eun Tak quickly. 

Death would keep finding the child. The Goblin searched the ski resort up and down but couldn’t find her anywhere. She wasn’t at the lodge, the breakroom, the counter, or anywhere. 

It was then.

Eun Tak’s voice filled the snowy field. It was her confession.

She had come to the storage room to work, but her colleague had disappeared. The storage did not have a boiler; it was freezing. Crash, the snowboards slipped and hit her head.

How many minutes had gone by, Eun Tak slowly opened her eyes, Her body had frozen; it was impossible to move. It was cold. In her far off consciousness, she thought of the Goblin. The beach, the buckwheat field, the street in front of the bookshop, the bus station, the path under the maple trees; she missed everything about the Goblin. 

“I need you. I want you to do even that…”

She breathed out warm air, and it froze into condensation straight away. There was not a moment where she didn’t need him. He needed her. He wanted her to do even that. He wanted her to give him permission to have an excuse. Her eyes closed.

“I love you.”

Something in her body clicked off and the mark on her neck glowed.

*

If he had been a bit late, she would have died. The Goblin broke the window of the storage room and carried the unconscious Eun Tak to the hospital. She lay in the hospital for a long time because of hyperthermia and concussion. A few days had passed before she opened her eyes. 

The first thing she did when she woke up was look for a match. She got discharged straight away and rode the gondola up to the ski resort.

Smoke filled the gondola, but Eun Tak was alone. Why wasn't her coming? Her heart stopped.

The gondola slowed down; it was the ending point. A hand reached into the open gondola. It was the Goblin.

"I thought you weren't coming anymore! I thought you weren't coming anymore and I..."

Eun Tak was crying.

"I waited for you here."

"Who told you to wait for me? If I call you, you have to appear in front of me straight away! You have to be in front of me!"

"I waited here to guide you out from the gondola."

"Never mind. I don't even know why I called you. I shouldn't have."

She pushed the Goblin's hand aside and went outside.

"It's cold outside. Stop crying."

The Goblin followed Eun Tak outside and caught her in his arms. He could feel her freeze in surprise. Holding the girl tighter, the Goblin sighed.

"Me too."

"What do you mean?"

"... Never mind, if you don't know."

"... But I do."

"... Good."

The cold wind tried to break them apart, but the Goblin held his bride tightly in her arms.

"I have something to confess, I can't see the sword anymore; actually I won't see the sword anymore. All I can see now is that you're tall, your clothes look expensive, and that the snow looks pretty today. That's all I can see. I can't pull out your sword anymore."

Eun Tak turned around and smiled, but even that smile felt sad. The Goblin smiled too.

"I'm not going to pull out your sword even if you smile at me like that. In my eyes, you are already pretty."

In the Goblin's eyes, the prettiest thing was this girl. He wiped the tears off her face.

    (This is a translated version of "Goblin: The Lonely and the Great God." Written by Eun Sook Kim and Soo Yeon Kim.)